Your Screen is Stealing your Years
“I will first explain how screen time is stealing your years away. Then I will give you hands on tools to combat the screen demon, and then I will explain to you what I can do for you in therapy to help you if the do-it-yourself tools are not working for you.”
There is an epidemic of loneliness that we keep hearing about. I would like to venture to say that there is an epidemic of de-motivation fueled by screen time. I see it in my office, teens who would rather stay home than hang out with friends, adults who had the gym at the top of their to do list only to keep ignoring it day after day while they scroll away on social media for two to three even four hours a day. You can blame depression, the pandemic, or a host of other reasons. However, many of the people I’m thinking of aren’t clinically depressed, and the pandemic is behind us. The common denominator is the amount of time they spend on their phones. This is causing all kinds of issues in their relationships. And its shaving off their life experience down to a pulp. They see less people; they have less experiences and get less done generally. There is a lot that has been said about the usual suspects that tag along with screen time here are a few:
Procrastination: “let me browse or unwind on my phone and I will get to it later.”
Social comparison: the more you browse on social media, the more inadequate you feel about yourself, and your accomplishment which can sometimes lead to feelings of “I am less than” and you feel less motivated to pursue your own goals.
Reduced physical activity: lack of energy begets lack of energy, it’s like a downward spiral. Have you ever noticed how the more you sit the more you don’t want to get up?
Poor sleep: your circadian rhythm is sensitive to blue light which can interfere with your sleep. The simple formula is “the less sleep you have, the less motivation you feel.”
Information overload: never have we ever had more access to information than now. The persistent onslaught of information coming at us from our screens can be overwhelming: “the more you know, the less you want to do.”
What is less talked about is the neurobiology of motivation. Screen use in and of itself does not necessarily rob you of motivation, but the way you use your screen time can have an impact on your motivation through your dopamine receptors.
Dopamine is a key regulator in action, emotion, cognition and motivation. All essential components in drive and action. And the interesting thing about dopamine is that the more you get it, the more you want it. We know now that every time you swipe on your phone, dopamine is dumped in your brain. How many times a day do you think you swipe? And the more you swipe, the more you want to swipe again to get the dose of dopamine rush. We have a dopamine pusher right at our fingertips. And after a while the amount you’re getting is not satisfactory anymore, so you find yourself spending more and more time on your phone and the various social media apps.
How do you get out of this self-destructive loop?
Check your daily uses on all your apps and put limits on the apps you use taking into consideration; how much time you spend on the apps and your daily time constraints, i.e how much free time you have on weekdays and weekends to put into these apps. It’s like budgeting but for your time.
If budgeting has never been your strong suit and you find yourself always ignoring the notification that you reached your daily limit, you have two options: delete your time suckers, anything you have spent on more than 15 minutes a day with the exception of work-related apps.
or
Opt for a family shared account and have someone else you trust manage your usage for you. iPhone has a built-in screen time manager for dependents. It’s like someone taking your car keys from you when you have had too much to drink.
Switch from browsing on your phone to browsing on your computer. Your computer may just not be as sexy for your dopamine receptors as your phone is.
These are just a few examples of what you can do to help yourself or your teen in conquering the screen demon. If you have tried these approaches and more and you are still hitting a wall, then psychotherapy can step in to help. Some of the questions I explore with my clients: “what is your screen a substitution for?” Often times, people have a breakdown in communication at home with their loved ones, and their phones become an escape from the disconnection which leads to further disconnection from others. I also ask questions like, “when do you notice you are pulling your phone out of your pocket the most: is it when you are working on a challenging project and you are afraid of failing? or what would happen if you succeed at your goal?” In therapy, we may discover that your excessive phone usage is just a smoke screen for something much deeper.
